Thankfully my shoulder is indeed healing well. It is slow healing because I had received several injuries due to several falls in the days before putting my shoulder out. My body heals very slowly and with so many injuries at once the shoulder which was the worse of the injuries is just healing more slowly. My foot and my ankle are really weak, but not hurting nearly as much. Ankle, knee and hip injuries will always do real damage because my connective structure at these joints are already permanently weakened. I may have to deal with ankle bracing to keep my feet from rolling to the sides. With the swelling that is not a good thing at the moment, I’m suppose to be off my feet right now, but that is simply not possible.

As long as I’m very careful with my shoulder which means muscle balancing exercises and getting a properly aligned, lightweight wheelchair and have good tires on it at all times, stay off my crutches (which I haven’t been able to do because I have no ramp to replace my stairs) and learn to rest my arm when the pain level is high, I can prevent ruining my shoulder.

We had planned budget in for a new wheelchair for the first of August but just a few days ago I found out we had a new plumbing issue that must be tackled immediately. So…that kinda killed the plan to get a new chair. I can’t get a script for this because my left arm is bad, but recently hurting my shoulder didn’t help either. It’s against recommendations to use a manual chair but I also know that 99% of the concern is the weight of the chair, the strain of turning etc. I know as well this can be dealt with by getting a high end, ultra light weight chair with small front casters. Things that not covered for anyone on government insurance, and most private insurance’s don’t cover the high end chairs either…well I take that back, if you are working you usually do get better options.

We know the problem, we know the solution so out next plan is to just deal with the chair I have until income tax time and instead of getting a new vehicle we will concentrate on getting a new wheelchair.

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years where you just learn to realize…this is it. There isn’t really anything anyone can do to make things better. A time when you realize. Why do I keep looking for an easier path, a better one, a less painful one. This is it…just deal with it.

I think over the past few weeks I have come to that point of realization. This is it. I have to learn to accept this. I have been helped by friends on helping websites and have been ever so grateful, but the things I had hoped would make my life better presented me with other obstacles. I have a wonderful new scooter now and I can travel around the botanical gardens, I can go to events, I can stroll up and down a sidewalk and window shop. I can now handle large stores, or visiting several locations in one day…it’s wonderful. Only now…I cant get up and down my own stairs to get outside.

I have a building that has two fully accessible rooms, air conditioning, it’s own power supply. I just got some help to work on some of the roof repairs. We started taking some steps, well then I fell down some steps. What use is fixing this building now. Wonderful I will have two accessible rooms but can’t get into the main house to reach the other rooms because now I need a ramp that can accommodate my scooter or a wheelchair. Well…at least I would have 2 rooms rather than one and we could build a much smaller ramp from that building so I can get into the back yard easier. There is still some sunlight on that one.

I am learning to use a wheelchair for smaller store trips where the scooter is impractical. Many people tend to view a scooter like an electric wheelchair. A lightweight travel scooter is not really intended for that kind of use. A scooter cannot be used in restaurants as you can’t get up to tables, can’t get up to desks, or counters. It’s very difficult to hold doors with one hand and steer/maneuver a scooter into stores or rest rooms. You can’t carry things on your lap with you and steer the scooter. It cannot be used on rainy days outside. The base sits very low to the ground so you cannot travel over certain terrain, you need to be pretty much on level hard surface. It’s completely impossible for curbs or stairs. For all that you can’t do though…there is so much you CAN DO. The scooter has it’s place and it’s a wonderful piece of equipment but it cannot replace a wheelchair for certain things.

So, I have a used wheelchair. The price was perfect and it did help me tremendously even though it’s not recommended for me due to weakness of my left hand. I had no clue really what I needed in a chair though. I just thought all chairs with wheels were the same. Ok now I know better and will be getting a proper chair to prevent future injury.

It comes back to accessibility again though, here is the easy way.

Give up rescuing disabled animals, rehome all my beloved creatures, pack up my partner and my kids and move into handicapped accessible housing, live miserably and give up all my hopes and dreams…but be able to move freely.

or

Just deal with it, know it will take a long time to come up with funds for a ramp. Know that it will take ages before I can have repairs done and adaptions made and I might be an old lady before I ever have a piece of land that is all my own, designed to complement abilities and adapted for disabilities. I will be a great grandmother before I take in my first harvest of grown food, can goods for winter, etc.

Is it better to give up dreams for an easier life, or keep the dream knowing it’s going to be a really rough road getting there? I’m leaning towards holding onto a dream…but stuck with the feeling of this is it. Those two conflicting emotions have got me so confused and depressed lately I don’t which way to turn.

I’m hoping this is just a temporary emotional crisis and will resolve itself once I can get out of the house a little more. Nursing injuries and being stuck at home might be what’s feeding my depression.

I’m starting to heal up pretty good from my recent injuries. My foot is not swelling nearly as much as it was and the pain is slight. My knee only took a nasty bruise and it doesn’t appear that I did any damage in that fall. My shoulder was the second more serious injury but it’s now responding to prescription Motrin so that tells me it’s well on it’s way to healing up. I’m still not ready for normal use yet, I can’t wheel very much and I can’t keep my arm extended to use my scooter either. I’m pretty much limited to light duty at the moment, but I think the healing is coming along. My shoulder doesn’t seem loose, no grinding or anything. I think it’s safe to say it was a painful but minor injury that will have no lasting effects once it’s healed up.

Someone is going to send me some resistance bands that are used for muscle training. That will be put to some good use so I can work on the muscle balance exercises to prevent future rotator cuff injury.

I had expressed to a few friends that I need a new wheelchair and was saving up for that. I’m still only eligible for a transport chair and I do not want one, I didn’t want one several months ago and I don’t want one now. I am a very independent person, I do not want to be pushed in a chair, I will push my own self.

I need to work on building up my thumb muscles in my bad hand and I need to work on building up my shoulders and upper back. It’s possible though and I plan to work hard at this so I will not have to be pushed around.

The work on the apartment is stalled at the moment. We have the roof cover of which the other 1/2 will be installed Friday, but we still need to come up with another gallon of elastic sealer, plywood to build a door and some way to build a ramp. The rise is high at nearly 3 feet from the ground so the cost of the ramp is much more than I had thought. I planned on a few hundred for lumber and fasteners…after talking to Home Depot guys and gathering more information I realized I had no clue what I was getting into and the cost is just out of our realm of possibility at the moment. It will be a while before I get away from those stairs. At least once we are in the apartment though, my trips up/down the stairs will be greatly reduced.

In closing two wonderful friends knew I decided to stop wishing on sites and pulled all my wishes and requests. I did this because my needs keep piling up and I have had some help already. I want to step away and just help others. Well….my friends decided they wanted to help others too and let me know I was blessing them with the ability to help others like I want to to.

Sweet Lori has a wish on Wish Upon a Hero asking for help with finishing off my apartment. Please stop by the wish, say hi and send Lori a note letting her know what a wonderful and supportive person she is.

http://wishuponahero.com/wishes/?id=40469

Anita has a wish on GreedyorNeedy hoping to win the weekly prize as she would like to help towards the cost of a new lightweight wheelchair with elevating leg rests. Please stop by the wish, leave a comment, vote if you want to, but do let Anita know what a warm and kindhearted person she is to try to help a friend.

http://www.greedyorneedy.com/cast-your-votes/wish/id/23744

Both of these wonderful women have had some problems of their own, have had their own wishes and requests for help yet they refuse to let someone else in need slip by without their support.

I too have active Wishes on Greedy Or Needy,

One wish is to help Reverend Dave, a wonderful man from Florida who is at risk of losing his home. This man gives freely from his heart, he works with local homeless people and can be found on nearly all help sites giving prayers and support to those in need.

Please check out the wish and vote if you can
To help a man who has helped so many others

Another wish is to help Iowa Flood victims.

Finally My dear friend Lori worked really hard making her own wedding dress for her 8-8-8 wedding but due to some medical issues which caused her to gain a few pounds the dress will not fit for the wedding. I am running a wish in hopes that if I win I can offer her the prize to get a dress for her wedding. Please visit I wish for Lori to have a wedding dress

I keep winding up there by falling. Maybe if I just stayed on the ground and never stood up again I do ok?

Yeah, I know, that’s pretty unrealistic…the ants would get me after a while.

I was feeding my animals tonight and was doing good…or so I thought. I fell going UP my stairs. Falling down is bad enough. It’s interesting really, you never know what you are going to hurt. Could be a sprained wrist, scraped up elbow, banged knees, twisted ankles. You could bump your head, or your arms can collapse in the fall and you can hit your chin or your nose. It changes depending on how high the stairs are, what is at the bottom of the stairs…It’s always different…change is good.

Falling up stairs though…it’s always the same. You smash your knees, or your shin if the stairs are short. Never anything interesting to share with your friends. Your friend says are you ok? You say yep, caught my knee or my shin. If you are lucky you hit both and you can say hey…this was different, I smashed up my knee and my shin whatcha think about that?

I fell last week or so, I fall so much now I should keep a calendar. Anyhow in that fall I hurt my ankle which masked a tendon injury on the outside of my foot. Ok so my foot is useless now, keeps swelling up and that messes up all my structural design in there. I depend a bit more on the wheelchair cuz well, when your legs aren’t going to hold you up, you always have your hands right?

Yeah well….

I put out my shoulder!

Come On! Can’t I ever win…just once?

So I’m popping motrin like cheap candy nursing a foot tendon, screwed up rotator cuff, and tonight and go and fall UP my stairs and bang up my knee. It cant even be on a different side…NOOOO…it’s all on my right side, by best side. Yeah my left side is my weaker side, so lately my right side is taking a beating.

I’ve got so frustrated I decided I’m never gonna get out of here. I’m never going to have a piece of land to live safely, peacefully, comfortably on. That is too far away and I keep getting injured, by the time I’m done dumping money into injury prevention I’ll have no money or limbs left anyhow and it wont even be worth having my own land.

My blogs were suppose to be about my journey toward homesteading…it’s turning into my journey from walking to wheeling and all the steps you take to move into a life you never wanted to enter.

Here is something to green it up a bit. I was on my way up the stairs from feeding my cats some raw chicken, I had successfully won the power struggle between a feral kitten and myself and I managed to keep her in the cage with her chicken leg rather than she running away with it and forcing me to go up/down the stairs an extra time. Yep…I thought I was doing good.

I’m just sick of falling.